Breaking the Chain

~ Jeff Kruman ~ Leave a comment

I have been working on some new habits recently.

Nothing crazy, but one of them is waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual.

Doing this helps me get a better jump on the day. Being up early provides some stillness to work on things before the day takes over and I am too tired in the evenings.

I can say confidently that I have been doing a pretty good job. About a month and a half into waking up early, I have done so almost every day, including weekends when I usually let myself slide a bit to recover from the week.

I printed out a little habits calendar and have been checking off days each time I get up at 6:15am. In just one month, it has gotten to a point where I wake up and think “don’t break the chain.”

Knowing my progress could be stopped by a simple 15 minute snooze under the blankets has propelled me out of bed to start my day.

This is why apps like Headspace, Duolingo and certain fitness apps are so effective. They track your progress and remind you not to break the streak. Who wants to break a good roll they are on?

This week has been a bit of a long week. Despite staying up a bit too late early in the week, I was still up at 6:15am. Yesterday, I went to the gym and worked out for an hour and a half after a long day of work. When I was getting ready for bed last night, I knew I was fried.

So, I did something I have been desperately avoiding for a month. I changed my alarm to 7:30am. I broke the chain before even going to sleep.

You might be thinking, so what? Big deal, Jeff.

But you know what? It is a big deal.

Ordinarily, when I break a streak like this it makes me feel poorly about myself, that I have let myself down. And my biggest fear is that missing one day will throw off all my progress.

However, after a full month of waking up early and enjoying the benefits of those extra 30-45 minutes in the morning. I am really not too worried about it.

Sometimes you need to recognize what the body and mind needs. Maybe it is an extra hour of sleep as it was in my case. Maybe it is skipping the gym to nurse a nagging injury. Maybe it is taking a night off of your passion project to let yourself recharge.

The point is, “don’t break the chain” is a great way to get you started. A great way to tap into your internal motivation to keep going. But it is equally important to know when it is okay to break the chain and have the confidence that you are going to start a new one the next day.

No self flagellation. No guilt. Instead, an opportunity to show yourself compassion and determination to get back at it after an off day.

Fear the Rut of Competence

~ Jeff Kruman ~ 2 Comments

I have recently found myself in a rut of competence. This is an idea popularized by David Epstein in the book “Range”.

Basically, I have found myself in a position where I was not really growing. Aging, yes. Gaining weight, also yes. Gaining gray hairs, okay you get the point.

At 34 years old, it was easy to fall into a routine, easy to think there wasn’t a lot of new going on. At this age, it is harder to make new friends, harder to start a new physical activity and even harder to learn a language than when we were younger.

I think it is important to note that I was not miserable for much of this rut, life was and is good. Good job, friends, some hobbies that get me moving like golf and softball. But nothing… new.

That was when I read “Range.” The main idea is that we hyperfocus on specializing, thinking that is the way we get ahead. We see it today with kids in sports, if you want that college scholarship you need to be playing baseball and baseball only from the time you are a fetus if you want a chance. But is that true?

The book opens with a comparison of Tiger Woods and Roger Federer. From the outside, 2 very similar men at the top of their game, but as you dive deeper, they couldn’t be further apart.

Tiger grew up with golf and only golf. His dad was a task master who had him hyper focused on his game from an incredibly young age. Was he successful? Hard to argue against all the records, tournament and major wins, but when you weigh that against his battle with personal demons, you have to ask, was that worth it?

Federer on the other hand played a variety of sports as a kid. His parents encouraged him to be diversified in the sports he played, leading him to focus on tennis far later than many of his contemporaries. Yet, Roger credits his diverse athletic background with much of his success in tennis where he is arguably the greatest of all time.

I used to think that my life and career path was a little meandering. I changed my major from journalism to economics during college. I worked as a restaurant manager with that economics degree before quitting, traveling the world, enrolling in an MBA program and becoming a management consultant.

The thing I have come to realize is that this meandering path is not so meandering and the skills I picked up working a busy dinner shift or making my way through Vietnam or working on a  presentation for grad school have set me up to be the person I am today.

Back to the rut of competence. I found myself a little stuck. Feeling like I was not in my groove despite lots of positive characteristics. What happened?

I got comfortable. I was seeking out activities and things that I was comfortable with. I was not pushing the envelope like I was at other times in my life. I was working from home. I was in a routine and not one that was fostering a growth mindset. 

So how do we get out of the rut of competence?

It might be different for everyone, but for me it was finding a new challenge. One of the things I did was sign up for F45 gym membership. This is a high intensity interval training class that changes the workout every day. No day is the same. I have always thought of myself as an athlete, but this class gets me going every day.

Finding a challenge. I went with Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic Habits challenge, this 66 day email course sent me a new challenge to do each day that helped me spread my wings and push myself out of my comfort zone and slowly I started to repel from the rut.

Now the problem with getting out of the rut of competence is that you find yourself in a new rut, a rut of incompetence! You are starting something new and of course you are going to suck at it. I felt like I was going to throw up my first week back at the gym. Had many days where I skipped or half assed the challenge for the day. It made me feel uncomfortable… and yet, I was growing.

Upon reflection, I realize that the most fulfilling times in my life were moments where I was challenged in this way but felt enough safety to make mistakes…

In my early days as a restaurant manager, I had no idea what I was doing. Fresh faced, 22 year old kid going up to tables to see how their food was. I was in over my head, but I had a team around me that supported me and kept me going.

Grad school was a challenge, lots of hard work, lots of learning new things and applying it fast. 

The point is, there is a shallower rut of competence in these more structured settings. It was easy enough to stick with the curriculum and move onto the next challenge.

But what do we do when we get older and those structures fade away?

No more curriculum. Busier schedules. Less time. More ego. The challenges that used to keep us going are no longer provided. It is up to us to seek them out and create the environment where we avoid the rut of competence or at least recognize it when it happens.

So, if you are like me and have found yourself in this rut, don’t despair, get out of your own head and take some action. As one my favorite podcasters Rich Roll says, “mood follows action.”

Go take some.

If you are struggling to find a direction, think about what you fear. In Ryan Holiday’s “Courage is Calling” he reminds us that our fears are a self-indicting guide that leads us to what we really need to do. Fear and resistance always votes for procrastination and hesitation. There is always a reason for not doing.

What are you making excuses for?

For me, it was writing and putting my creative voice out in the world. I have done it before, but every time I lose the momentum, it is a fight to get the courage to put it back out there.

I can’t be scared of what people think, well I can and still am, but I am reminded of the quote by Epictitus, “if you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid.”

When we run towards comfort, we are running away from an opportunity to grow.

But what about all the people who started before me… don’t they have a huge head start? I will never catch up.

Nonsense. The myth of the head start is overrated. Sure, the best day to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the next best time is today.

There is copious evidence that head starts often fade out over time. The better approach is to have a growth mindset and adjust as you go along.

No one is good at things right away. But if you have the courage and discipline to continue the pursuit, plan and adjust as you go, the head start won’t mean nearly as much.

Don’t fear the rut of incompetence. It keeps you sharp and whether you know it or not, is broadening your horizons.

Fear the rut of competence and take action to stay out of it.

Neither Good or Bad

~ Jeff Kruman ~ Leave a comment

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking that makes it so.” – William Shakespeare

A tale as old as time. Something happens at work or in life, an off putting conversation with a colleague, someone forgets to get their work done on time, your partner forgets to take out the trash despite being asked a few times.

Yes, all of these can be frustrating at times. But really these are simple observations. What do we end up telling ourselves?

“Our colleague hates us.”

“They are sabotaging me.”

“What is wrong with everyone?”

“My partner doesn’t love or respect me.”

We take these events and we make them worse in our head. Maybe our colleague is having a bad day. Maybe the person who forgot the assignment has trouble going on at home and is distracted. Maybe your partner has a lot on their mind and just forgot the trash.

There are lots of explanations for the things that happen. It is so easy to get carried away and assume the worst when the reality is, shit happens.

Are we hurt? Is this set back unrecoverable?

Probably not.

It is important for us to take things for what they are worth and sometimes not give them any more attention than necessary.

“Don’t let your reflection on the whole of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that still might happen. Stay focused on the present situation and ask yourself why its so unbearable and can’t be survived.” 

This passage from “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelias summarizes this idea perfectly.

All of these little problems are survivable. We will probably forget about them by the end of the day, definitely by the end of the week. So why get ourselves in such a tizzy when one thing goes wrong?

Is it frustrating? Of course it is.

Can we handle it? Of course we can.

See things as they are. Do what you can from there.

Change the Damn Water Filter

~ Jeff Kruman ~ Leave a comment

I admit, this is a silly problem.

The water filter on my refrigerator has been in need of changing for longer than I care to admit. Not just that the little light was on telling me it was time to change, that is easy enough to ignore. The water had slowed down to a glacial pace when filling up a glass of water.

Finally, the other morning, I had enough. After another session of filling up the water glass in the morning, I immediately pulled out my phone, opened my apartment’s residence app and put in a work request for a new water filter. (Yes, I live in an apartment and don’t even have to do this myself!)

Within 6 hours, the problem has been resolved and the water is flowing like Niagara Falls (I even overflowed a couple glasses because I was so used to it being slow).

After enjoying a few glasses of fresh water, I found myself wondering why I suffered for so long when the issue could be resolved in less than 2 minutes of my effort.

I procrastinate in many other arenas, ones that I can make much better excuses for, but putting in a work request? Come on man.

“The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don’t just put off our lives today, we put them off til our deathbed.” While perhaps a bit extreme in the case of changing a water filter, I did change the filter after all. This line from The Art of War by Steven Pressfield stood out to me because this incident made it clear that I was making procrastination a habit.

The water filter became just another thing that “I will get to tomorrow.” Another minor task looming over me. I wasn’t thinking about the water filter all the time, but I was reminded of it every time I was thirsty.

It was easier to continue to live with the default option than take action.

This is a widely documented phenomenon in the field of behavioral economics. Many studies have shown that when there is a default option – in other words, the option that will prevail if the chooser does nothing – most people will stick with that default even if it is not in their best interest. This has been proven when it comes to activities ranging from saving for retirement to choosing a healthcare plan. 

So what happened with my water filter? I chose to stick with the default. Other options, like addressing the problem, were very much available, but I was content with the status quo.

What are some things I can do to prevent this in the future?

Maybe set a reminder on my phone for a few months from now reminding me to put in the work request for a new filter before it starts going bad.

But even more broadly, these tasks and decisions that we punt on weigh on us. The best thing to do with a nagging problem like this is to just do it now. Or at a minimum do it early. I find that when I knock out activities like maintenance requests in the morning I feel some sense of accomplishment. Additionally, tasks like this at the end of the day tend to be draining to me. Get it done, get it over with before the day takes over.

I challenge you to think about the water filters that need changing in your life and just fucking do it.

And if you are still reading and think I am an idiot for writing this piece about my water filter, I will leave you with this quote from Nudge by Richard Thaler.

“People aren’t dumb. The world is hard.”

Here is to making the world a little easier.

It isn’t the Student

~ Jeff Kruman ~ Leave a comment

Recently I have restarted doing training with my dog Georgia who had 2 knee surgeries this year.

Honestly, I never did a great job of training in the first place. We learned some basics, sit, shake, down, stay, even got her to learn some basic recall when in a safe place.

What a good girl!

Before anyone pats me on the back, she had plenty of issues. She is a very bad walker, either stops and stares or often pulls where she wants to go. She has a nasty habit of barking at the door when she hears someone in the hallway of our apartment building.

Part of me thought these were features of my beautiful dog and not a bug.

I was wrong.

Not only was I wrong about whether my dog was capable of training or not, I was focusing on the wrong person in the relationship. The problem was with me!

It became obvious within 10 minutes of working with our trainer that I had failed Georgia in early training. My intentions were great, I was even on the right track many times, but execution was poor to quite poor.

It is important to note here that we are trying to teach Georgia using shaping and positive reinforcement. No prong collars, electrical shock collars or spanking.

One problem I always had with Georgia was that she didn’t seem to pay attention to me in challenging circumstances. In dog training talk, she didn’t “check in”

The first thing we did with the trainer was the attention game. I would get Georgia’s attention with a treat. Then threw a treat a few feet away so she had to go away from me to get it. Afterwards, I waited patiently until she looked at me again. No verbal cue. No hand signal. Just wait until she realizes that looking at me gives her a good chance of getting the treat. 

At first, I rewarded her just for moving her head in my direction. Slowly coaxing her into the behavior I wanted. After a few repetitions, Georgia was flying back to me after the treat with her attention locked on. This took 5-10 minutes and we are already seeing applications in more stressful environments.

One other problem that I had was that she would always burst through a door the moment I opened it. Not ideal for anyone, especially someone on the other side of the door not ready for a dog to come bursting in.

This was where the idea of raising the criteria in very small increments so the trainee actually has a chance for reinforcement was made abundantly clear.

Right when I put Georgia’s leash on, she had her nose up against the door. The trainer had me get her into a sit position a foot away. Slowly, I started touching the door knob and when Georgia didn’t react, she got a treat. 

After she accepted touching the door, we graduated to slightly turning the knob. This proved to be too much too fast and she popped up to get ready to leave.

Now it was time to “Go back to kindergarten” as the trainer said. I got Georgia back in the sit position. Went back to simply touching the door knob, so far so good. Then I took it up the smallest notch I could, simply jiggling the knob a bit.

Georgia didn’t move. 

We continued in this fashion for about 5 minutes, at the end of that period. Georgia was sitting with her attention locked on me while I had built up to holding the door completely open.

I was in apoplectic shock.

We still have a long journey ahead in getting Georgia up to speed on training and obedience. But there is such an important lesson in this experience already.

It is rarely the trainees fault that they are failing to meet expectations and we should spend much more time focusing on the training and the trainer.

With some simple adjustments to my behavior, I had a far more obedient dog in just 2 sessions with our trainer.

Where can this be applied outside of dog training?

At work, are you ever frustrated by a report who just never seems to get it right despite you having told them “a million times” how it should be done?

It reminds me of a story from my time as a restaurant manager. I had an employee who struggled to carry a full tray of drinks to a table without spilling, a pretty key skill for a restaurant server.

I could have had her “just keep at it” until she got it or got so frustrated she decided to quit.

Instead, I had her fill up a tray with kids cups and water and walk around the restaurant for practice. I had inadvertently lowered the criteria to a level she was comfortable with and we built up from there.

If only I had remembered this experience when I first got Georgia.

How can you be a better teacher?